'The' Indian equivalent of the Oscars

So what was new at the Indian equivalent of the Oscars? Ranbir and Imran are better hosts, Rekha(Jee) has a great voice and Gulzar Saab has the ability to keep things simple. Apart from this, everything was pretty much the same. How? You might ask.....here's how!

SRK looked stressed out. Dietary restrictions for Ra.One are taking a toll. Plus a realization that he is widely disliked in Kolkata and might not be number one ever again.

Aishwarya looked plastic, spoke in English(surprise surprise) and turned even more plasticky while presenting an award to Madhuri.

Yash Chopra said something which no one understood.

Priyanka Chopra did a Madhuri medley and spoke without an accent.

Madhuri spoke with an accent. Which surprisingly, is nowhere in sight when she appears on Jhalak Dikhla Jaa.

Arbaaz was found sitting with a smile throughout the show wondering - What the hell did I do right that Dabangg became such a blockbuster? I will tell you Arbaaz. The one thing you did right in life is dating Malaika. Hold on to her!

Shatrughan and Poonam Sinha were sitting in the front row trying hard to hide their Oh-I-am-so-proud-of-my-daughter-bit. It's become kind of a ritual. Every year some filmy family, some new debut and some tears for their child's 'hard work'.

A jury consisting of eminent people from the industry could not decide which one is better? Munni or Sheila. So they gave it to both. In order to please both Farah and Salman!

Best Actor Critics award went to no one from Peepli or Udaan but Rishi Kapoor for Do Dooni Chaar. It's just a coincidence that his son was hosting the awards. I have not seen Do Dooni Chaar; I am sure it's a nice, cute film but I don't think they match up to Peepli, Udaan or LSD(Love, Sex or Dhokha).

Best debutant director went to neither Udaan or Peepli but to Band Baaja Baarat. A 30% discount to Filmfare for hosting the awards in Yash Raj's studio is in the offing.

There were no Indians in the Best Playback Singer category - 3 nominations for Rahat Fateh and 2 for Shafqat Amanat nominations. I don't blame them. The kind of things Sonu Nigam is doing to his hair, they might just invent a Most West Indian style singer award soon.

Best Supporting Actor went to Ronit Roy for Udaan who went crazy for 20 seconds when his name was announced. You almost thought Shilpa Shetty had bought him for Rajastan Royals. Udaan is a brilliant film no doubt. But in no way was Ronit Roy better than Manoj Bajpai in Rajneeti. 

Udaan won a lot of awards in spite of being an independent film(and a great film, I may add) and a commercial failure. Desi award functions are generally not kind to small films and here is why I think Udaan made it. Salman Khan ->; Dabangg -> Abhinav Kashyap -> Anurag Kashyap -> Udaan. Geddit???!!!

The 'Popular award for Best Director' went to Karan Johar for My Name is Khan. Read 'Most Popular film in Germany/Pakistan'. See once Yash Raj, Salman, Farah et all are satisfied, you just have to satisfy Karan Johar. KJo was himself surprised on getting this one. Proof? He just said two lines in his acceptance speech and left!!! :-)

Amongst all this drama, one individual rose above all. He came in a crumpled kurta-pajama, accepted his award for Best Lyricist for Ishqiya and said, in chaste urdu - ek shaqs ka shukriya ada karna chahunga - Vishal. Unki wajah se mere gaane jawaan rehte hain. 

Thank you Gulzar saab for saving the day!

Inception - My thoughts

My friends and few readers of this blog would note I had refused to see Inception at the time of its release. There was too much Inception baazi going on everywhere and I was sick of it. I did manage catch Inception some days back. And that too on a uncensored, uncut, extended Blu Ray version. And here are my thoughts. 

Inception IS a brilliant film. The dream within a dream within a dream concept! How do these Hollywood guys think of stuff like this? 

Chris Nolan has scored back to back centuries in the form of Dark Knight and Inception. Leonardo Di Caprio was in fine form as well. One could see the pain of loosing a loved one right from the start. Come to think of it, Caprio has had a dream run too. Aviator, Blood Diamond, Departed, Revolutionary Road, Shutter Island, and now Inception. I don't think any other actor has shown such consistency of scripts and growth as an actor. By the end of it, I was too drained(mentally) to think whether the last scene was a dream or a reality.

Having said all that in praise of Inception, I have to say that the film does not have any repeat value. It has if you are a Fight Club fan(pun intended) and you wish to absolutely find out whether it was a dream or a reality at the end, you would watch reruns of the movie or like a friend told me(I have seen it 10 times, at the time of release!). But for lesser mortals like us, with limited time and intelligence, one watch is all it takes. In no ways is it a Little Miss Sunshine or a Sideways. Or even a Cinderella Man. 

But one thing I just don't understand is why(TF) was Nolan not nominated for Best Director in the Oscars???!!!! 

My Review - Sideways

Wonderful, a Hollywood comedy not set in New York. I finally managed to catch this 2004 comedy-drama a couple of days back. It's been there on my to-do list for a long long time.

So here it goes. Miles, played by Paul Giamati(Russell's Crowe's manager in Cinderella Man), and Jack(Thomas Haden Church, the guy who played the baddie in Spiderman 3) decide to spend a week in wine country before Jack's impending marriage. Miles, an English teacher, is an extremely frustrated middle-aged man, unable to come to terms with his unsuccessful marriage and career. He hopes to spend the one week tasting wines, playing golf and enjoying the countryside. Jack, on the other hand, is an actor and voiceover artist who wants to spend the week having a 'nice time'. For the last time! Once they arrive at the countryside, they happen to meet these women, Maya and Stephanie, to whom both of them take a liking to.

Based on a book, Sideways is lazy yet funny, untouched yet intelligent screenplay of a fun trip with its own twists and turns of emotions and what not. Although one is not desperately waiting for the next twist, you get attached to both the characters who are lovable losers in their own sort of a unique way. While watching this, I could get the Rainman/My Cousin Vinny feel. A perfect film for a lazy Saturday or Sunday.

Highly recommended with four stars!

Trailer - Sideways
Rotten Tomatoes - 97%
Roger Ebert's Review

P.S. - This $16 million film made $110 million at the BO. And Giamati was not nominated for an Oscar.

It's been a long time

It has been, indeed!!! Almost nine months. A lot has happened. So much that I can't even recall. A new year has begun. And there are new resolutions. Like every year. Will try to keep up with my thoughts as fast as they come. And as fast as they go! :-P. Below are some of them...

• Will complete my second play by the end of the year,
• Will write at least six posts/reviews every month,
  
• Will read more books(have already started reading The Ascent of Money BTW),
  
• Will (try to) control my temper,
• Will travel to either of Ladakh, Goa or Kerela this year,
  
• and lastly, will open a PPF account(it's been six years....WTF!)

4 reasons why Love, Sex or Dhokha is a cult film!

It is. A cult film. In case you have not seen it yet. Go check it out. Now to the hows and the whys.

Reason number 1 – The “characterless” Characters

Remember the last time you saw a Bollywood film, and you said – Arre yaar, aisa kahan hota hai? Or Shit yaar, Aise thodi hota hai!!! Whatever happens in LSD, actually aisa hi hota hai. Right from Shruti’s father(hypocrite and horny), to the girls in the dept store(one the silent types and the other the loudspeaker), from the item girl(willing to be exploited) to the pop star Lukki Local(waiting to exploit), from the TV producer(will do anything for TRPs) to the journalist(trying hard not to compromise on his ethics).

Reason number 2 – The Analogies

If you did not get the analogies here they are in the following order

‘Love ‘ Story – Nitish Katara Case
‘Sex’ Story – N number of MMS videos on youtube.
‘Dhokha’ Story – Replace Lukki Local with our very own Mika and the item girl with Rakhi Sawant. Put in a 24 hour Hindi news Channel and the picture completes.

Reason number 3 – The Acting

Need less to say, the nameless actors play their parts with great conviction and earthiness, right from Meter Down(guard), the actress’ father, both the girls in the dept store, the journalist, his boss, the item girl and the king of Pop – Lukki Local. Lukki Local takes the cake with his Punjabi accented English and his mannerisms. An actor to watch out for!

Reason number 4 – The Connection(s)

Dibakar Bannerjee does treat his audience with respect. All three stories are connected and only when the end credits roll the viewer realizes what happened when and where. In a space of 90 minutes, Dibakar Bannerjee weaves a tale of Love, Hypocrisy, Greed, Voyeurism, Jealousy and exploitation, all as seen through the invention we know as the camera.

A smashing film that gets the DESIBLAB 5 stars.

P.S. - I have not mentioned the sex scene coz it's not a sex scene. just like any MMS, it's shot as a private moment between two people.

My Review - Ishqiya

Finally I saw Ishqiya. And I liked it. And I swear I won't listen to other people's reviews and NOT watch a movie. Simplistic, crude, earthy and very very enjoyable, Ishqiya talks of Gorakhpur and Faizabad, locations which the Johars, Chopras and even RGVs can neither reach nor understand. All three main actors give top notch performances with Naseer taking the cake. His expressions in the song "Dil to baccha hai jee" are alone enough for an award.

I give it somewhere between three and four stars.

Of US and Controls

Sometimes I wonder if the US sub-prime mortgage industry was the only part of America's economy that was unregulated. I was talking to a friend today and suddenly it struck me that the US is ruled by cartels. Look at telecom - AT & T, Verizon, Sprint, T-Mobile...you are stuck with either one of these. Locked phones, bound contracts, shoddy customer service(some of which is maybe outsourced to our country) etc etc.

Now look at Hollywood. Who rules? Fox, Warner Brothers, Sony, Universal, Paramount, Disney, DreamWorks(Maybe). The big six or seven. They are supreme. So much so that someone like Woody Allen,who now makes his movies only for European audiences, said - "In the United States things have changed a lot, and it's hard to make good small films now. They only want these $100 million pictures that make $500 million."

Some people would say the same about American automakers. They(Ford, GM, Chrysler) created and stopped innovating. And then the Japanese swooped in with their Toyota Production Systems and Kaizens and what not. But that is a story for another day!

Cricket in the USA

Yay! The IPL gets a mention in the New York Times.

While we are still on the NYT, this bit about the big four competing and overlapping markets is interesting.

Iron Man 2 - Yoohoooooooooooo!

Stylish. Very very stylish.

Life is not a movie

...But its close to a movie.

Similar situations, no background score.

Fights, no dhishum dhishum.

Characterless people, no characters.

Me : A sucker for taglines!

I am a sucker for taglines. Taglines. One liners. Punch lines. Whatever you might want to call them. And I have always been. Since I was a teen (I am a senior citizen now, IMHO) I was amazed by one liners and their inherent awesomeness. My first tryst with the greatest one liner was an ad for Bajaj Eliminator. It went like this.

A page on the right hand side of India Today magazine displayed a diamond and said

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

Turn over the page and you would see the following specs listed under each other

150 CC
12 Bhp
0 – 60 kmph in 5 secs

Turn over another page again and it said

The new Bajaj Eliminator. WHY WOULD A MAN NEED JEWELERY?

I was never into bikes then but at that moment, I thought there was nothing better on this planet that could be said more stylishly. I came across more and more. There was an IBM Thinkpad one which went like this

For those who have arrived, but still like to travel. Awesome, Isn’t it?

Then 2 things happened which deeply affected my association with taglines. I started following Hollywood closely and I got introduced to Chandler Bing. Yes Chandler Bing of Friends fame. The relationship-phobic sarcastic guy who hates his job and in his own words ‘uses humour as a defence mechanism’. Chandler was brilliant with his one liners, a fact that made the character most popular after Joey and Rachel. He was sarcastic, witty and funny at the same(kinda like me). Sample some

1. (When Rachel asks him for advice)I'm not really good at giving advices. Do you want a sarcastic comment?
2. All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.
3. (On being asked if Joey looks nineteen)Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.
4. Someone to Chandler: Wow, you have really gorgeous hair.
Chandler: Thanks, I grow it myself.

Some of them are pretty normal but it’s the way Chandler says it makes them better than they are.

Hollywood is more about style AND content and sometimes more style and less content. More often than not, every Hollywood film comes with a tagline. One of the initial ones I stumbled upon was for Money Train

Get on or get out of the way!

But some of the most favorite ones have been

• Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.(Shawshank Redemption) What a line!
• Leave no man behind.(This one is all about teamwork from Black hawk down – very powerful, hits you once you watch this one)
• When the country was on its feet, he brought America to its feet(Individual glory - Cinderella Man)
• A hero will be revealed. (What if you have to choose between love and duty - Spiderman 2 – Only if you are a spidey fan)
• It ain’t over till it’s over (Rocky Balboa)

And finally to some of my own

• One day my dad remarked while having lunch – Aaj sabjee main lehsun zyada ho gaya. My mom said yes I will let the cook know. To which I remarked – Hope she learns the lehson(lesson).
• A friend of mine said – Man you are a racist. I replied – No I am not a racist. I don’t discriminate. I hate everybody equally.
• This one too went to my facebook status - I will smoke, I might drink, I will do drugs, I will rape, I will molest, I will throw wrappers on the streets, I will abuse, I will overtake from the left...but I won’t have non-veg cause Navratra chal rahe hain....!
• It seems the IPL is fixed. KKR is doing well.
• One line Michael Jackson would have trouble saying - I am not kidding!!!

Smooth talker, ain't he?

He might be corrupt, we don't know yet. But what we do know that our Minister of State of External Affairs is a smooth smooth smooooth talker. Sample this

My Review - Up in the Air

After a long time, comes a comedy which is as serious as it is funny; as painful as it is insightful. It has some of the best one liners, some wittiest on screen conversations and some of the smartest women characters you wud have seen on screen in a long time.

George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, a high flying executive whose job is to travel all over the US to fire people. For Ryan, firing is not about company policy or financial restructuring. Its an art. And art he turns it into, advising 50 yr olds on how to restart their careers all over again and how to do something they really really wanted to do(a Hollywood obsession). He does all this while pursuing his ultimate goal - frequent flyer miles. In between all of this, he gets into a casual relationship with Alex(played by the very sexy Vera Farmiga) and has to coach Natalie(Anna Kendrick). The movie mainly is about how these two relationships affect his attitude and thinking.

George Clooney fits the role to a T and does a remarkable job while charming you with his usual 'sexiest man alive' smile. Kendrick is lovable as the confused Natalie and Vera Farmiga is perfecto as the sexy Alex. The writing and dialogues are absolutely mindblowing. Sample this

" I am not racist. I just stereotype."

"There has never been a worse time for America. This is our moment."

"I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis. "

I loved the ending where some laid off employees remark to the camera that if you have your family with you, you can battle almost everything and anything!

An intelligent and emotionally stimulating film. Must watch for our recessionary times! Highly recommended!

Aren't Indians simply

awsome?

Courtesy : Rediff.com

My Review - Kaminey

At one point of time in Kaminey, there is a shot of Charlie(Shahid) with a revolver walking away from the camera on a railtrack and a shit scared Guddu(Shahid) running away with a guitar held close to his chest. You get the feeling that ah well...this is the end. And Baaam! It's not over. Not until a good 25 minutes of craziness, negotiations and violence.

It is this unpredictability and the brilliant brilliant writing which make Kaminey and its characters watchable. Immensely watchable. Kaminey is about twin brothers Charlie Sharma and Guddu Sharma, who hate each other's sights and how their lives get intertwined by a simple twist of fate or should I say a simple string of a guitar! :-) Charlie is a small time thug who dreams of getting rich 'through a chota shortcut' and Guddu has a panchayati raj type 14 year plan to settle down in life with his girlfriend Sweety(Priyanka Chopra). Apart from having a lovable ensemble of ganglords(Bengaali, African and Ladakhi) and corrupt cops(Lobo and Lele) from the Mumbai Police Anti-Narcotic cell, Kaminey has as one of its highlights Bhope Bhau, a 'Jai Maharashtra' spouting local politician, played by Amol Gupte, writer of Taare Zameen Par.

Kaminey is a treat to watch. Because it treats the viewer with some amount of respect and leaves it for him to see, understand and laugh. Reminiscent of the Coen Brothers in parts, Kaminey is both visually dark and emotionally entertaining. After enduring severe human rights violations in the form of a Ghajini and Love Aaj Kal (M not even counting the Kambakht Ishqs and CC2Cs), Kaminey gives you hope that there is still someone in Bollywood who can make rivetting, realistic and meaningful cinema (Apart from the Johnny Gaddaar dude).

Shahid and Priyanka come of age and its unlikely that they will be able to better this one in the near future. Amol Gupte is a revelation as Bhope and Shiv Subramaniam is absolutely hilarious as Lobo.

Ramgopal Varma used to say - I am the anti Yash Chopra. I am like the Al-Qaida and Yash Raj is the United States. I guess that mantle lies now with the wonderfully talented dialogue-screenplay-story writer, music director and director Vishal Bhardwaj.

The anti-thesis of Bollywood and the future of Bollywood is here. And he is awfome!

Karan Johar

Once said,"2.6 Billion people know Tom Cruise. 3.2 Billion knew ShahRukh Khan".

Apparently the latter does not include a US Immigration Official. wink wink...

My Review - Love Aaj Kal

I understand its difficult to make a Lagaan again. But Swades was almost there. Repeating a Dil Chahta Hai was always an uphill task. But Lakshya wasn't that bad. Munnabhai II seemed like a gone case. But with Lage Raho Munnabhai, Raju Hirani was the last man smiling.

In the late 90s and early 2000s, there was a trend in Bollywood. Boy and girl meet, fall in love and they are not able to decide. To be or not to be. NOT ABLE TO @#$%^N DECIDE???!!! Compounded their problems was the fact that there was always some 'ehsaan' from the 'friendz family' usually the girl's. This plotline was everywhere, Saajan, Dil to paagal hai, Kuch kuch hota hai, even the iconic Dil chahta hai.

Love Aaj Kal takes this stupidity even further. A day after their marriage, on their honeymoon, Vikram(played by Rahul Khanna, I hope he was handsomely paid) is left in the honeymoon suite by the bride Meera(Deepika) who wanders off in search of X boyfriend Jai(Saif). Meera darling here, is apparently 'still in the 90s mode'. She has been unable to decide yet again, the previous occasion being the day of the wedding, right before the pheras and after the jaimala. Phew!!!

B grade romantic comedies in Hollywood like 27 Dresses and Made of Honor are able to convey what Director Imtiaz Ali tries so hard to convey and falters miserably. So there are cliches(pyaar ek baar hi hota hai, she is the one - you don't know yet) and the mother of all - Meera is waiting in puraani Dilli for Jai dear in the end because 'woh apni galti maan ke waapas aayega'. GAWD!!!

The best part of Jab we met and Socha na tha was the breezy dialogue and what you get here is downright corny and unbelievable. Sample this from Jai in conversation with Vikram - Yaar, ho jaata hai, sab plan kar ke break up kiya tha, ab kya karun?

Deepika looks great but fails to deliver her dialogues properly, Saif plays Saif, the guy who is always confused, just like in Salaam Namaste, just like in Hum Tum, just like in Yeh Dillagi....etc etc. He is unconvincing as the young Rishi Kapoor. Rishi Kapoor is so-so, not having much to say. His love interest, the brazilian model, is cute and subtle. The song placement is awkward and the screenplay is confusing.

Love Aaj Kal tries to be both modern and conservative and therein lies its biggest flaw. And it makes Ghajini look better.

And you thought Deshdrohi was brilliant

Trailer is even more mindboggling in the rashtrabhasha. I was unable to locate the video though. :-)

My Review - My Cousin Vinny

No one recommended this 1993 courtroom drama to me. Or suggested. Or Praised. I had never heard of it or maybe I had heard but then I thought "Joe Pesci with Marisa Tomei...not worth it man".

I managed to catch this one on Star Movies yesterday and found it to be well L O L. My Cousin Vinny is about Vinny(Pesci), who travels to Alabama along with his girlfriend Mona Lisa(Tomei), to defend his cousin(played by "The Karate Kid") and a friend who are wrongly accused of a murder. Vinny is not your usual lawyer. He is someone who has zero trial experience having taken six years and six attempts to become one. He fumbles, mumbles, fails to get enough sleep, fights with his girlfriend, lies to the judge and does every damn thing possible to defend his cousin.

While Pesci plays his character to a T and Tomei is brilliant as the sexy Mona Lisa Vito(she got an Oscar for this one), it's the writing and the courtroom sparring between Vinny and the prosecution lawyer that are the movie's highlights.

Not many films get the DESIBLAB 5 stars. This is one of them. Don't miss it!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating : 89%

India's original angry young man

Gavaskar Vs Tendulkar?

You can keep arguing over this but I don't think you can underemphasize the importance and the sheer genius of this first little master's contribution to Indian cricket and Indian sport. The original fighter, the original 'Ganguly', the one who scored 13 centuries in 27 tests against the mighty West Indies, the one who took the battle to the enemy's post, the one who never ever gave up, one can go on and on.

To whatever he did and achieved, I can only say, Thank You Sir! Thank you very much indeed!